Thursday, April 12, 2012
Its hard to believe it has been 11 days since my sweet little Blake was born. It seems like these days are taking forever, but at the same time, it feels like its going fast too. I want to fast forward time to when she is able to come home. To when she is able to be with her family. To when she will be in our arms.
I really miss Blake. It hasn't been easy knowing that we are far away. If I could, I'd be over there to see her every single day. That just isn't possible though. As a mother, you want to be there for your children, and to make everything all better. Its hard for me to know that I'm not physically there, and I can't make this all better. I just have to give it time. I'm a patient person, and I am trying to be patient now. I know that Blake needs to be in the hospital. So she can grow. So she can mature. So she can be ready.
I know that Blake has no idea what is going on. She is small and helpless. Her gestational age would now be 33 weeks and 1 day. Now here she is, a whole 11 days old! Right now, she is going through a little bit of a rough patch. She has contracted an infection, and she is hooked up to a CPAP machine, to help her to remember to take deep breaths. Its hard for me to know that she is having to go through all of this. She is so innocent, and its just not fair. I know it isn't the end of the world. She is doing better. I just wish that she wasn't going through any of this.
Even though Blake came into this world 8 weeks early, I do believe with all of my heart, that she has made incredible strides. In fact, I was never supposed to get pregnant with her in the first place! She is an IUD baby. The very fact that it wasn't a tubal pregnancy is a miracle in itself. She knew that she belonged here, and I believe that. I am trying to remain strong for her. She needs that from me, and I will be strong. She is constantly on my mind. She has stolen my heart. She is such a very special little girl. Blake is so very loved.
Blake, I am missing you, and I cannot wait to see you here again shortly! Your daddy, big sisters, and I love you so very much!
Tuesday, April 3, 2012
On April 1st, Robbie and I became very proud parents to a sweet, tiny little girl, Blake Elizabeth Newman. The journey that has led us here has been a crazy one for sure.
In December of 2011, I suspected I was pregnant. I figured that it wasn't possible, as I had an IUD in for a year and a half. Took two tests, and they all showed up positive. I went to my ob/gyn the next day. She told me to expect that this pregnancy was tubal, so I wasn't prepared for what happened next! On the ultrasound monitor, I saw a tiny little hand waving "hello" to me. I was in shock. I was also around 16 weeks pregnant, and I had no idea! The baby looked great, and I was told to come back in about 3 weeks for a re-check. My doctor was really quite surprised as well, as she's never had a patient get pregnant like this.
The next few months had some false alarms. First, I was told that my IUD was in my cervix. Thankfully, it was not. Each ultrasound looked like the IUD was indeed in my uterus, but it could never be confirmed. Then, I was told I had a funneling cervix. A funneling cervix is when the top part of the cervix starts to open, and you can start to leak. Again, nothing. I was being checked quite frequently, and the pregnancy was going along exactly as it should. I was also told that I was having a little boy, so that is what we were preparing for.
Around 5 am Sunday morning (April 1st) I woke up with some back pain and what I thought were cramps. It wasn't terrible, and I fell back asleep. I would say it happened a couple more times. I figured it was just the baby lying funny, and that it would go away. When I got up around 8 am, I really noticed it, and I thought I had to go to the bathroom. That didn't work, and I started to really feel some pain. I woke Robbie up, and told him that I thought I was having contractions, but I wasn't 100% sure. They were sporadic, and some lasted longer than others. I was up and about getting the girls their breakfast and getting on with the day. I then felt as if I had to go to the bathroom again, and this time, there was bloody show. I told Robbie I needed to go to the hospital, and off we went.
I was admitted right away, and they put me on a monitor. At first, it didn't seem like my contractions were that bad, as they weren't showing up a ton on the monitor. I had to wait 20 minutes to see what was going to happen next. I was given some medication to stop the contractions, as I believe the nurse didn't think I was in true labor by the way the monitor was picking up my contractions. She then checked me, and it hurt terribly! It then became so painful after that, and I was screaming for her to stop. She told Robbie to go the nurse's desk and tell them to call my doctor right away. She couldn't tell if she could feel the head or not.
My doctor showed up a couple of minutes later, checked me, and told me what I wasn't expecting: "You are complete, and you will be having a baby today". Robbie and I both just broke down. I was only 31 weeks along! This wasn't supposed to happen! I was absolutely scared, and wondering what this could mean for my baby. Since I live in a small town, they had to call for NICU specialists that were about an hour and a half away. I was given some pain medication and other medication to slow down the contractions, but it didn't work to well for me. I needed to push, and for pretty much the whole 1 and a half hours, I just had to try to hold off. How I did it, I really don't know. It was the most physically taxing thing I have ever had to do in my life. I thought I was going to die from the amount of pain I was in. Somehow, I managed to not push, so that way my baby would be okay.
Once the specialists arrived, my doctor broke my water, and within one minute, my sweet little baby was born. I sat up to look at what I thought would be my son.... only to discover that it was a little girl! The shock came and went, and all I could think about was hoping she was okay, as I didn't want anything to happen to her. She was whisked off right away, where they started putting in a breathing tube, and giving her surfactant, which is needed in a baby's lungs, so that way the air sacs could open and close they way they are supposed to. Before they took her to the other hospital, we were able to see her for about a minute. She looked so tiny, and so precious. It was the hardest thing to see them wheel her away, while I had to stay put. It broke my heart.
Since my tiny, 3 lb, 8 oz, Blake has been born, she has been doing amazing. Most babies born at 31 weeks need a breathing tube, but she wasn't having any of that. She was on a CPAP machine for a bit, and then she started to breathe all on her own. She is 2 days old, and is completely breathing on her own! The nurses and the doctors keep saying just how feisty she is. I think she got that from her Daddy. :) She has an air bubble near her liver, and hopefully that will resolve on its own. They are doing x-rays to keep an eye on it. Hopefully, she will start feeding soon, as long as she keeps progressing the way she is.
Robbie and I are so very proud of her! We are so very much in love with our sweet little girl already. We miss her so much, and we can't wait until we can see her again. We can't wait for her to be home. We miss her terribly. It is going to be a long couple of months, but we know it will all be worth it for our girl.